Your Scriptwriting Partner

Your hook can make or break your video's performance.

But... you already know this.

Yet most YouTubers end up damaging their retention by making a (completely logical) mistake in the first 30 seconds.

To help you identify it, take a look at this hook extract:

I assume you can see the problem.

The hook reads like a resumé, rather than a promise of value.

In fact, I used Claude to compare the instances where the YouTuber spoke explicitly about something the viewer would get from watching the video vs something they had done...

...and the results were pretty stark:

15 moments about the speaker. Their achievements. Their credentials. Their journey.

Just 1 about the viewer, and what the video would do for them.

But honestly… I understand why this happens.

YouTubers often front-load credibility because it feels like the logical way to earn trust.

But think about your own behaviour on YouTube. How many pieces of relevant credibility do you need to hear before deciding a video is worth your time?

Sure, the credibility needs to be relevant to the topic. But in the above example, if I’d simply heard...

“I grew [channel] to quarter of a million subscribers and over 650,000 euros in revenue, and in this video…”

...I can't imagine I'd be sitting there saying:

"Oh yeah, but what can you really tell me about YouTube growth and entrepreneurship?!"

No. I'd say: "Fantastic. You seem legit. Now what's in this video for me?"

Your hook only needs one piece of credibility. After that, talk to the viewer.

So... check your next hook for this totally logical - but ultimately harmful - mistake.

Or, for speed, paste your hook into an LLM using the prompt below.

Analyse the following YouTube hook transcript. I want you to identify every moment where the speaker refers to something they have done, built, or achieved (speaker-focused) versus every moment where the speaker describes something the viewer will get or learn (viewer-focused).Then produce a single HTML file that visually highlights these in two colours within the transcript, includes a bar chart comparing the counts, and ends with a short verdict summarising the imbalance.

Here is my hook transcript to analyse:

[PASTE YOUR HOOK TRANSCRIPT HERE]

(I started using Claude a LOT recently - it turns analyses like these into beautiful presentations.)

That's all for this week!

Any questions? You can to reply to this email and I'll get back to you.

Speak soon,
George 👋

“Be super specific - with everything."

I wrote that feedback to a student yesterday.

In fact, I rewrote six hooks in my scriptwriting community this week…

…and five of them needed the same fix.

Because non-specific language in your hooks is a big problem for both retention and gathering a loyal audience long-term.

Let me show you why:

Examples of non-specific language, and why it matters:

Example 1:

One student sent me a hook about nutrition for fitness. It started like this:

"Everyone is talking about the nutrition pyramid these days. As always, where attention goes, energy flows. If you're a career-driven human over 40..."

But here was my re-write:

"If you're over 40 and trying to [get down to X% body fat], you already know that nutrition is important. But after [X] years [doing relevant thing], I discovered that…"

Notice what changed?

• I cut the generalised opener ("Everyone is talking about...") entirely.
• "Over 40" became “over 40 and trying to [get down to X% body fat]”
• I added a placeholder for their specific credibility, where there had been none.

In this case, the added specificity makes it clear who the exact target audience is, what their goals are, and why this creator is the person to help them.

Without it, I have no reason to watch this fitness channel over any other.

Example 2:

Another student was writing about the dangers of having a fatty liver. One line said:

"If fat builds up on our liver, it can destroy it."

Which is true. But the impact of this is not made clear.

So I suggested adding this line right after:

"And long-term, this can lead to terrible side effects like [X] and [Y]."

(Again, I left placeholders for the YouTuber to add the specifics.)

But the point here?

Being specific helps the viewer truly picture what's at stake.

Yes, I know that a “destroyed liver” is bad. But I can’t really picture it.

But naming specific, day-to-day side effects it can lead to?

Now it feels urgent. Now I have to keep watching.

Example 3:

A third student was writing a video about menopause after breast cancer.

Can you spot the non-specific terminology in here? (It’s not super obvious.)

"So when women are frightened into thinking this is the rest of their life..."

It was only small, but there’s an important change to be made here too. See my re-write:

"So if you've been frightened into thinking this is the rest of your life..."

In this case, being more specific means talking directly to the viewer, as opposed to the general audience.

Your videos should be designed to address just the person watching, not a large crowd.

The Fix

To make sure your hook doesn’t fall into the non-specificity trap, ask yourself these three questions.

1/ Who is this for, specifically? (Target)

• Not "people who want to get fit" → "over 40s trying to build 10lbs of muscle"

(And, where possible, referring to them as “you”, instead of "they".)

2. What's the specific outcome you're promising? (Transformation)

• Not "grow your channel" → "hit 100k subscribers in 6 months"
• Not "write better scripts" → "cut your writing time from 6 hours to 90 minutes"
• Not "improve your fitness" → "get down to 15% body fat"

3. What's the specific consequence if they don't fix this? (Stakes)

• "It can destroy your liver…" → "…which leads to [X] terrible side effects"

This all ties back to my “target, transformation, stakes” hook framework (more info).

That's all for this week!

​Any questions? You can to reply to this email and I'll get back to you.

Speak soon,
George 👋

Sponsored by:
​1of10.com

Since launching my channel in October, the priority has been consistency.

I took a break over Christmas, but otherwise I haven't missed an upload.

But now it's time to get strategic.

Because, even at a glance, I've started to notice some interesting takeaways from my first 10 videos:

1. Listicles have consistently underperformed.
2. Riffing personal stories led to stronger retention and my most-viewed video. Riffing scripting advice led to extreme retention dropoff.
3. Text-only thumbnails (i.e. no fancy design) won the majority of A/B tests.
4. My "whirlpool strategy" for end-screen CTAs was highly effective at launch, but is becoming less effective over time. I have theories, but I'll need a full newsletter to discuss!
5. My most effective lead magnet came from this video where I pushed viewers to download a template I'd been subtly showcasing throughout the video.

I'm yet to do a full analytical breakdown of every single video, but this gives me a clearer direction for how to approach upcoming scripts.

I encourage you to take stock once every few months, too. Spend just an hour looking at your views + retention, and it'll be hard to miss the more obvious patterns.

But there's an even bigger change I'm about to make...

The Plan

Until now, every script has been directly converted from an old newsletter.

This was a useful approach, and I encourage you to repurpose other written material to increase your writing and uploading consistency, if that's something you struggle with.

The downside was - and don't tell anyone shhh - I was committing the cardinal sin of creating my packaging *after* writing the script.

But now it's time to strategically build every video from the packaging first.

To show you how I'm going to do it, I want you to check out this thumbnail:

What if I told you that this thumbnail was made in under 60 seconds entirely using AI.

Specifically, 1of10.com's mindblowing new idea and thumbnail generation tool.

For context, I've been using 1of10 for 2+ years, and their old thumbnail generation tool was... ok.

Good for some light inspiration, but ultimately not really usable:

Now? It's a whole different boardgame.

Not only does their idea generator create some great title inspiration...

...but the thumbnails themselves are, in many cases, 90% ready to use:

Now you probably had the same reaction as me:

An initial "wow, COOL!", followed by "wait, that diagram doesn't quite make sense".

Well, the coolest part is, you can prompt it to make any changes you want.

And let me tell you, if you've ever spent hours wrestling with ChatGPT's image generator and watched an *almost* perfect image slowly descend into dark mush the more you prompt it...

...this is not that.

When you request changes, it *does what you ask* with a high degree of accuracy... and fast.

Notice the small tweaks I asked for from my earlier example - like changing the main heading, removing duplicate words from the diagram, and swapping two boxes for "?" boxes.

Wait, sorry... did I say we'd already covered the coolest part?

Nuh uh. Check this.

Here's a quick thumbnail mockup I drew:

After uploading it to 1of10's thumbnail generator, I got THIS after just 60s 👇

Does this mean I'll stop using my thumbnail designer?

No.

I really care about the little details, and my thumbnail designer is not just an "artist", but also a strategist who I value highly.

But for many, thumbnails are a massive barrier to entry.

It's bloody hard to find someone both affordable and skilled.

That's why 1of10's idea and thumbnail generator will be lifechanging for thousands of YouTubers.

And as my channel strategy pivots from consistency to, well, actual strategy...

...I'll be using 1of10's idea and thumbnail generator to drive things forward.

Thanks to Richard and the team at 1of10 for partnering up with me again!

If you're interested in trying out 1of10 with 20% off, click here:

Try 1of10 [20% OFF]

I'll keep you updated on how these new strategic ideas perform...

...and how starting with the packaging (like a good boy) impacts my scriptwriting.

That's all for this week.

Any questions? You can to reply to this email and I'll get back to you.

Speak soon,
George 👋